Thursday, April 14, 2011

World meet Bitchtastic Mommy

Welcome to my undercover mothah of a blog. 

Do you ever feel like you just want to BITCHSLAP everyone?  No?  Just me?

I thought maybe I should define what Bitchtastic Mommy means.  It means I'm a mommy, but I am not only a mommy.  It means I don't fit into the stereotypical Mommy mold.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  I don't obsess over typical childhood milestones.  I've never read a parenting magazine, book or the like.  I don't worry about too much tv time or too little imagination stimuli.  I don't think my children are going to be crippled for life if they don't get into THE preschool all the other moms put their embryos on waiting lists for, and I think that kind of obsessing is in fact, RIDICULOUS.

I laugh when little kids swear.  What?  It's funny

I laugh out loud when other people's children say totally inappropriate things in public.  You know, those things that make you want to crawl under the nearest building?  Yeah, that is funny shit.  You know, when it happens to someone else.

I take great pleasure in knowing that I'm not the only one when I see someone else take off running after their screaming holy effing terror at Walmart.

I don't send thank you cards for birthday gifts.  I don't sign my kids names to cards when they can't read or write.  I say thank you at the party.  It's not that I don't appreciate the gift.  I do.  However, I threw a bash, I invited you, I fed and watered you.  Yeah....enough said.

I could spout forever on this, but I want to hear from others.  Are you stereotypical or unconventional?   Obsessive or Laid-Back?

You can say anything here and we won't think less of you...well, maybe we will, but we want to hear it anyway.  So spill it, tell me what inappropriate thing do you love to see kids do, or other mom's suffer through?


Gucci Mama said...

You are my soul mate. That is all.

thelexhex said...

I laughed really hard once when my Midget (who was about two at the time)burst into the living room in nothing but a diaper and said "Muthafuuuuuuckaaaaaaaa" while flexing her arm muscles.

It was awesome. Possibly the highlight of my mommy-ing career. (If there is such a thing.)

Shell said...

Oh, this is cracking me up! Love your honesty!

WhisperingWriter said...

I love this.

I also am still ME. I'm not just a mother. And I curse too much.

Anonymous said...

I'm somewhere in between but leaning more toward the lax. It was MY daughter who went to the store in her "boy" pajamas, flipflops and 'tattooed' arms. She colored wrist to shoulder with a dry erase was cute. I didn't care. And so what if she likes race car jammies? I had a 'POSH' mom look down her nose at me and staunchly ask ' she a tomboy?'. Uh? What?! She's whatever she wants to be bitch! Tomorrow she may have her tutu and heels on along with 40 neclaces and braclets up to her elbows.

Liz said...

I think Thank Yous are totally over-rated. I agree - we should be able to say "thank you" and that be enough. Especially when you start talking about baby gifts. What new mom needs to keep up with that?!

Kristin said...

I've never been a thank you card kinda girl. Any kind of card, for that matter.

KLZ said...

I haven't read a single parenting book. Eh.

Helene said...

I laugh hysterically when my kids curse. Can't help it. There's something funny about a 4-year old telling his brother, "Get out of my face, you ass". Of course, I plead with them not to say shit like that at school. Hey, my parents cursed like sailors too and I learned pretty quickly where it was acceptable and unacceptable to swear. And I'm pretty normal...for the most part.

Oh and one more thing, I think I love you.

Jennifer Brummett said...

I think I found my soul mate. I should be working, but I'm not. And I came across your comment on surferwifes blog regarding the Lisa Lampanelli book, which by the way I won. Anyway. I like what I read. I mean bitch away, girl. I look forward to reading more. Wish I had something cleaver to say, but stay tuned. I'm full of surprises. Looking forward to a safe place to vent.

Heather B said...

new follower here...i think you're my new hero.