Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Emotional Terrorism is evil genius at work

I have an odd sense of humor.  CLEARLY.  My husband has the same sense of humor, most of the time.  I asked him tonight on the way to dinner if he wanted to be John Dick on my blog.  To which he responded "Huh?"  I giggled a little and said, "Well, I'm Jane Bitch, I guess that makes you John Dick.  You know, were like Jane Doe and John Doe, but more like DOH (channeling my inner Homer Simpson)!"  We both laughed.  What?  It was funny.

I told him we could amp it up even more and he could be Dicktastic Daddy.  He liked John Dick better.  Later after dinner he said he wanted to be referred to as EG.  EG stands for Evil Genius.  Which is brilliant.  He is an evil genius.

It amuses my darling evil genius to no end to let people assume he doesn't know anything, about anything.  Not that he pretends to be Forrest Gump, he doesn't.  We just have a lot of friends and family members who have God complexes.  You know those people who know everything about everything, and have to educate the rest of the world on their supreme awesomeness?  So he just let's those people tell him how to do things and he watches them revel in their narcissism. 

The thing about that is, when you sit back and allow those people to show you just how much they know??  You end up getting all sorts of benefits. 

Let me enlighten you:

Mention to FRIENDKNOWSALOT that just replaced his deck that you're thinking of redoing yours.  Said friend says, he'll come over and help.  FREE LABOR.

Mention to FRIENDONEUPPER that owns every tool you are too cheap to purchase, that you're thinking of purchasing the better, newer, faster model of said tool.  FRIENDONEUPPER will run out and purchase said shiny new tool and give you their hand-me-down-there-was-nothing-wrong-with-it tools to show you their awesomeness.  FREE TOOLS.

Mention to FAMILYMEMBERKNOWSITALL that has perfect parenting skills that you can't get Baby Doh! to do *insert any suck the life outta you parenting task here*.   FMKIA will say give them to me for a week, they'll be all fixed up.  SCORE!  FREE BABYSITTER. 


But wait, there's more.....in addition to all the FREE stuff??  People don't ask you to do *insert any shitty I'll sucker my friend into helping me task* either.

Additionally, never ever ever....EVER...cross him.  There are no words to describe the emotional terrorist I live with when he's been crossed.

So what say you all?  John Dick?  Dicktastic Daddy (which we'll shorten to DD), or EG aka Evil Genius?


KLZ said...

My husband has long since established himself as one not to be crossed. While often helpful, it's occasionally quite tiresome to give into his demands. He's like a toddler terrorist all grown up.

Anonymous said...

Hey bitch,
Welcome to the blogosphere - I see you're just getting started.
For the record, i'm casting my vote for John Dick.

I think we share a similar sense of humor. Hope you'll pop over for a visit and decide for yourself.

Saucy Bitch

Shell said...

Total evil genius!

Kristin said...

Evil Genius is perfect! Oh, and my brother has a total "everyone who isn't me sucks at life" attitude. I get it.

thelexhex said...

How about "Dick Genius"? It's the best of both worlds!

Liz said...

I'm a big fan of the Evil Genius term, so that's my vote.

Anonymous said...

I'm tossing in a vote for John Dick THE Evil Genius.... its just too good to not include them both.

And no...just because I'm posting anon doesn't mean I'm the JDEG just for the record :)